Plant Milks Unmilked: The Good, The Bad & The Sneaky Stuff You Should Know

Just because it comes in a trendy carton and claims to “froth like a dream” doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for your gut, hormones, or budget. Plant-based milks are everywhere, from your barista’s beard oil-scented coffee shop to the $9 bottle in the wellness aisle. But, not all nut (or oat, or bean) beverages are created equal.

Here’s a sip-by-sip breakdown of the most common alt-milks, who they’re good for, who should back away slowly, and how to avoid chemical shenanigans that sneak into those innocent-looking cartons.

OAT MILK: The Cool Kid with a Blood Sugar Problem

Pros:

• Creamy, naturally sweet

• Good for frothing and coffee lovers

• Often fortified with calcium, vitamin D, and B12

Cons:

• Can spike blood sugar, especially if not labeled “unsweetened” or made with enzyme-processed oats (aka enzymatic breakdown = more maltose)

• Often contains oils (like canola or sunflower) and gums

Avoid if: You're insulin-resistant, diabetic, or sensitive to gluten (unless certified gluten-free)

ALMOND MILK: The OG Nut Milk That's Mostly Water

Pros:

• Low calorie

• Mild taste and easy to find

• Some brands have minimal ingredients

Cons:

• Low in actual almonds (some have 2% almonds, yep, you’re drinking nut-flavored water)

• Often loaded with gums, synthetic vitamins, and natural flavors

Avoid if: You have a tree nut allergy or get bloated from gums like carrageenan, gellan, or guar

COCONUT MILK: The Tropical Diva

Pros:

• Keto-friendly

• Great for cooking, lattes, and desserts

• Contains MCTs (medium-chain triglycerides)

Cons:

• Low in protein and calcium unless fortified

• Strong flavor can overpower

• Some brands use BPA-lined cans or preservatives

Avoid if: You have high cholesterol, are sensitive to saturated fats, or have a latex allergy (cross-reactivity is real)

CASHEW MILK: The Creamy Dreamboat

Pros:

• Super creamy and neutral-tasting

• Great for sauces and smoothies

• Slightly higher protein than almond milk

Cons:

• Low in nutrients unless fortified

• Often contains additives

• Cashews are often heat-processed and can be inflammatory for some

Avoid if: You have nut allergies or a histamine intolerance (cashews are histamine liberators)

HEMP MILK: The Underrated Omega Bomb

Pros:

• Rich in omega-3 and omega-6 fats

• Nut-free, soy-free, and allergy-friendly

• Contains all essential amino acids

Cons:

• Earthy, grassy taste not for everyone

• Can be pricier and harder to find

• Texture can separate unless shaken like a cocktail

Avoid if: You dislike earthy flavors or have a sensitive gut that doesn’t handle fats well

MACADAMIA MILK: The Luxe Option

Pros:

• Rich, buttery flavor

• Good fat profile (high monounsaturated fats)

• Low carb, keto-friendly

Cons:

• Expensive AF

• May contain very few actual macadamias

• Often includes gums and natural flavors

Avoid if: You’re on a budget or need protein (this milk doesn’t deliver)

PISTACHIO MILK: The Bougie Newcomer

Pros:

• Trendy and tasty

• Natural green hue and pistachio sweetness

• Sustainable nut with a decent nutrient profile

Cons:

• Very niche and pricey

• Rarely fortified

• May trigger nut allergies

Avoid if: You have tree nut allergies or are trying to meet protein goals

 SOY MILK: The Protein King (With Baggage)

Pros:

• Highest protein content of plant milks

• Often fortified

• More affordable and accessible

Cons:

• GMO-heavy unless organic

• Phytoestrogens can affect hormone-sensitive individuals

• Can be hard on the gut for some (fermented soy = better)

Avoid if: You have thyroid issues, estrogen dominance, or gut inflammation

BLENDS: The Frankenmilks

Pros:

• Best of all worlds; texture, taste, and frothability

• Often made to mimic dairy milk more closely

Cons:

• Can contain a long list of additives

• “Natural flavors” can mean anything

• Often low in nutrient density per ingredient

Avoid if: You want transparency in ingredients or react to emulsifiers and gums

CHEMICAL CREEP: What to Watch for on Labels

Red flags to avoid:

• Carrageenan: Linked to gut inflammation

• Gellan gum / Guar gum / Xanthan gum: Can cause bloating or diarrhea in sensitive individuals

• Sunflower or canola oil: Highly processed and oxidizes easily

• Natural flavors: Often a mystery blend of lab-made components

• Synthetic vitamins: Like DL-alpha tocopherol (less bioavailable than mixed tocopherols)

Green flags:

• Fewer than 5 ingredients

• Certified organic

• Fortified with absorbable forms of nutrients (e.g., calcium citrate)

• No added sugars (or clearly marked “unsweetened”)

DIY Plant Milk Recipe

Basic Recipe (Almond, Cashew, Oat, or Hemp Milk)Makes ~1L

Ingredients:

• 1 cup raw nuts/seeds/oats (almond, cashew, hemp hearts, oats, or even a blend)

• 4 cups filtered water

• Optional: pinch of salt, 1 date (for sweetness), ½ tsp vanilla

Directions:

1. Soak nuts/seeds (skip this if using oats or hemp) for 4–8 hours. Drain and rinse.

2. Blend with 4 cups of water until smooth.

3. Strain using a nut milk bag, cheesecloth, or fine mesh strainer. (Skip straining for hemp or oat milk if you don’t mind sediment.)

4. Refrigerate in a sealed jar or bottle for up to 4 days.

5. Shake before using. Don’t worry if it separates—separation is natural, unlike your last ex.

Plant milks aren’t just a “healthier” dairy swap, they’re tools. Choose the one that suits your body, your values, and your taste buds. Be label-savvy, ingredient-aware, and unapologetically picky. Your gut, hormones, and brain will thank you.