GREEN POWDERS: MIRACLE DUST OR PRICEY PEE?

What You Need to Know Before You Start Chugging That Glorious Swamp Water

Let’s talk about the green. Not cash or kale...maybe kale, but that trendy powdered potion everyone’s adding to their morning routine and pretending it doesn’t taste like lawn clippings. (I personally like that taste. It tastes like healthy). Green powders are the wellness world’s answer to “Eat your vegetables!” in a scoop. But are they actually doing anything? And more importantly, should YOU be taking them? Not everyone should.

WHAT ARE GREENS POWDERS?

Greens powders are blends of dried and powdered vegetables, fruits, algae, herbs, enzymes, probiotics, and sometimes adaptogens. They promise better digestion, more energy, glowing skin, immunity, and “detox”.

These powders typically include:

• Leafy greens like spinach, kale, collards, parsley

• Algae like spirulina and chlorella

• Sea veggies like kelp and dulse

• Herbs like ashwagandha, nettle, dandelion, moringa

• Fruits like acai, blueberry, pineapple

• Fiber like inulin or flax

• Probiotics, enzymes, and mushroom extracts

Some are amazing. Others are marketing mulch.

WHY QUALITY (AND THIRD-PARTY TESTING) MATTERS

Just because it’s green doesn’t mean it’s clean.

Many greens powders are:

• Grown in contaminated soil

• High in heavy metals (especially algae and rice-based blends)

• Low in actual nutrients due to poor processing

• Padded with fillers or sweeteners (lookin’ at you, Erythritol!)

Always look for:

NSF Certified, USP Verified, or Informed Choice logos, Heavy metal testing results, Transparent labeling (no “proprietary blends” hiding ingredient doses)

If your greens powder doesn’t show test results or uses vague buzzwords like “alkalizing superfood matrix,” it’s probably full of fluff.

WHO SHOULD AVOID GREENS POWDERS

1. People with Thyroid Issues (Especially Hypothyroidism)

• Many greens powders contain kelp, chlorella, and other iodine-rich seaweeds which can disrupt thyroid hormone levels.

• Even microdoses of iodine can interfere with thyroid medication.

• Tip: Check the label for “kelp,” “bladderwrack,” or “marine greens”

2. Anyone on Blood Thinners or Medications

• High doses of vitamin K from spinach, kale, and parsley can affect warfarin or coumadin.

• Adaptogens like ashwagandha can interact with thyroid, sleep, and anxiety meds.

• Licorice root (a sneaky adrenal-support herb) can raise blood pressure.

3. Pregnant or Breastfeeding People

• Some herbs and mushrooms in greens blends haven’t been studied for safety during pregnancy.

• Better to stick with whole food nutrients unless your doc gives it the green light (ba dum tss).

WHO BENEFITS FROM GREENS POWDERS (WHEN USED WISELY)

• Busy Professionals skipping veggies all week

• Frequent Travelers who don’t trust airport salads

• People with Digestive Issues (as long as they tolerate fiber and probiotics)

• Chronic Fatigue/Adrenal Burnout folks, especially if the blend includes adaptogens, magnesium, or B vitamins

• Low appetite, illness recovery, or post-surgery support

HOWEVER: no powder replaces real broccoli. It’s a supplement, not salvation.

CAPSULES, POWDERS OR LIQUIDS: WHICH SHOULD YOU CHOOSE?

1. Powders

Best if you:

• Want to add it to smoothies or water

• Don’t mind the taste (or can mask it with lemon/ginger)

• Want a customizable dose

Worst if you:

• Have texture issues

• Hate green sludge vibes

• Don’t read ingredient labels

2. Capsules

Best if you:

• Can’t stand the taste

• Want portability and ease

• Prefer precise dosing

Downside: You often need to take 4-8 capsules per serving, and they usually contain less fiber or bulk than powders.

3. Liquids

Best if you:

• Need fast absorption (some claim better bioavailability)

• Want to add it to other supplements

• Like a less gritty mouthfeel

Downside: Shorter shelf life, often more expensive, and may contain preservatives or sugars.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A GOOD GREENS SUPPLEMENT

-Certified Organic

-Transparent dosing (not "blends")

-No added sugar or artificial sweeteners

-Includes adaptogens only if you need them

-No artificial flavors, dyes, or "natural flavor" BS

-Third-party tested and batch tracked

Greens powders can be a solid upgrade to a meh diet or a helpful travel companion, but they are not a replacement for real food. And they’re definitely not one-size-fits-all. If you’ve got thyroid issues, are on medication, or your powder has more marketing fluff than nutrition facts, it’s time to clean out your supplement drawer. Choose wisely, read the fine print, and remember: your liver, hormones, and gut are in charge here, not your favorite influencer with the frothy green matcha shaker.